Posted by: arasur on: August 10, 2007
Why do some people find it hard to say sorry?
It is partly personality and partly upbringing and can be a sign of having no self worth.
Somebody with a fear of criticism, who worries about what other people think, might say sorry all the time or they might have difficulty saying sorry at anytime because the feel they will be judged badly or they see it as a sign of weakness.
Why is it so important to apologise?
Apologising is essential and the only way to
resolve issues.
It is the best way to show you care and that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions and not blame others.
It is particularly important in the case of a crime as victims need to hear an apology.
Tips on how to say sorry
• It should be face-to-face or at least on the phone.
• It is important to apologise and not offend the other person while doing so. You need to acknowledge that the other person is upset.
• Wait for them to respond, before you start explaining yourself or defending yourself. You need to give the
other person the opportunity to reiterate how hurt they really are.
• Do it as quickly as possible after the event, but give yourself time to think out your apology. Do not say your sorry straight away because it shows that you did not really think about it and they will question whether you really meant it or not.
• Mean what you say. With most couples there is usually one that tends to break the ice first and always say sorry even when they really do not mean it.
This is not a good idea as is often means the issue is not resolved. You want to have a I’m sorry conversation where you sit down and discuss why that person interpreted what you said in that way and why they are hurt so badly.
What about sending flowers or cards?
They are a good follow-up but are not the starting point. Flowers often end up in the bin. They want to hear first that you are sorry and you understand. Then the flowers are a nice idea.
What about apologising by email or SMS, is this a cop out?
If you write a letter or email read over it for a few days before you send it as letters and emails usually say sorry in the first line then go on with a list of, “but this is what I really think of you.”
Definitely do not send an SMS as the tone can be misrepresented.
What should you do if your apology backfires, and the person becomes angry?
Often the pain is raw and time is needed to heal the wounds. At least you have said sorry.
Do not say sorry over and over again. It can be an opportunity for someone to unload all their problems
on you.
If you are not forgiven then the relationship is in jeopardy.
What about parents saying sorry to their kids?
Kids really bounce back when parents apologise. They will not use it later as emotional blackmail.
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